Showing posts from 2011


Oh Goody, it's Christmas! A time for goodwill and cheer, When retailers put their prices up and food is far too dear! When families waste their money on presents that we don't need, And children lust for more presents, in unrequited greed. When a price is set to spend, on each other's special gift, Don't spend  less than that, unless you want a family rift, 'That's not fair, his present is far better than mine, oh dear, Gee, I want Aunt Myrtle to be my Kris Kringle next year'. When the traffic is more blocked than a plumber's worst blocked pipe, People yell and scream and road rage hits its heights, People stressing endlessly, oh, the money they must spend, On turkeys, cakes and puddings, which they can't eat anyway in the end. And running from early morning, when forcing yourself  out of bed, Eat breakfast lunch and dinner, with relatives you thought were dead, Nice to see you Deary, it has been a long long time, Eat another piece


I do write quite a lot of Poems for couples for their weddings. Often, the subject of the "Giving Away of the Bride" sparks emotion and sentiment in the reluctant Father of the Bride.  No Father really ever wants to Give his Little Girl away...not really. This thinking sparked the following for a Special couple.    THE ‘GIVING AWAY’ At Last you take that walk, down the proverbial aisle, My little girl with your new idol, The Little girl who I watched grow up, Playing netball and eating Chuppa Chups. When you were born, like a pink toy, I held you, And over all the years, and many tears, Through tantrums and the childish fears, I protected you. Now on this, your Wedding day, I am here, they say, To Give away, My Little Girl. Into the protection of your Husband, The Man you promise to Love forever. And a good Man he is, And I know him well, I know that his Love for You is like a well, So deep, so full , so Full of Life, To

Informal Wedding Poem by Ned Hoskin : WED BY NED

OK, so as you may know, I like to Write! And as you know I Marry People. So here is a taste of whats in store with my book. A Poem that I have written for a couple , which they have read as a Reading in their Ceremony. I hope you enjoy! This poem however may not be used in any way without my w ritten consent. Please contact me first if you wish to use it or if you wish to have me re-write this one or create a new Poem / Reading for your wedding.   Today I Marry You, & the reason is quite clear, You’re none too formal that’s for sure, but your motives are sincere, I like the fact you smell like sweat, and your breath has that hint of beer, And when we go to sleep at night you say now Nite Nite Dear! I like the fact you know about, how to make me laugh, And for pouring me a champagne while I’m sitting in the bath! The cups of tea on my birthday, with breakfast while in bed, And when you wear my undies for a joke upon your head! I like the way you P

The Great Jan Fitz and her Amazing Glass of Water Balancing Act!!

Jan has a habit of balancing things on her head. particularly at a party. Wine glasses. Champagne flutes. Anything with liquid in it! Sometimes (actually, quite often) things go awry. On this occasion, poor Emma was the last one to see the joke...until that spilt second after these shots! And the contents are Ice and Water! Ned Hoskin Ned Hoskin

Writers Block to a Day.

I woke up with a Writers block, Firmly in my head, So I took up macrame classes and decoupage instead, Then I tried some kung-fu and had a game of tennis too, And I really enjoyed the cooking Class and making Swiss fondue, I even did computer class and then a little yoga, Sewing class was really good and I made my own red Toga, Carpentry is fun to do , but be careful with the saw, I studied Law and Politics, but found them both a bore, Cake making, Mechanics , Philosophy and  How to Build a Boat So much choice of things to do , I can even make my soap, I woke up today with Writers Block, tried some courses to quell the gloom, IF only I had the time to write , I'd write my novel this afternoon. 'I'm sorry Neville, but it's the worst case of Writers Block I have ever seen.' Ned Hoskin

And another comic from the Tales at The Grand Hotel, Portarlington, Victoria, Australia.

  Ned Hoskin

Life as it is at As Iz

Sorry, I know its been a while since my last Blog...altho James is pretty proud of himself I believe! Between the various things that Life has me doing lately, time is really of the essence! But I did think I would quickly show you the Art release we had at the As Iz Art gallery yesterday in Portarlington Victoria. Tags, Masks & Fishblood : This is a new release of some amazing works by our Gallery curator, Christopher Duffy. If you live in Victoria, its worth a country drive to Portarlington for a look. If you are further afield, have a look at our website on As usual we had a good crowd attend, and their appreciation of the brilliant Art on display was obvious! But I do have to ask you all...Who do You think the next painting here looks like? Who is she?? 5mt mural 'Awakenings' Work in progress. Chris' sensual paintings have incredible depth, and the characters of each stand out. Gaze into their eyes and you see a deep reality

To Blog or Not to Blog, That is the Question!

To Blog or Not to Blog. That is the question.  JAMES CONTEMPLATING BLOGGING!!  To the Writer within, it is the last bastion. Telling the World the things on your mind, Better to Blog than be left behind. Tell 'em the news and the thoughts as they flow, If you wanted to write you should give it a go, Cos it costs nothing at all, to become a good Blogger And uses less energy than any new jogger. Oh to Blog or Not, That is the question, You dont even need to have a big lesson, Give it a try cos the worst result you could get, Is getting your Muddles all Worded up, I suspect!! Ned Hoskin

A Great Aussie Pub and The Knights of the Round Table

Lifa at The Grand Hotel in Portarlington Victoria Australia is about to change. There are new owners, new inspiration and a renewed vigour to the place. But still, the characters who frequent this iconic Aussie country Pub remain largely the same. Tourists do stick their heads in the door, wide eyed and eager, searching for the legendary Knights of The Round Table. These guys drink at the same table every day of the week and are a large source of inspiration, both for my cartoon series as well as for those that seek them out in real life.  Work on the first complete series of cartoons is still underway, but here is one of the animated versions for your enjoyment!  As one of the characters at the Pub will always remind you , with one of his endless quoted witicisms:  ' I drink, therefore I am' Have fun! Cheers, Ned Hoskin

TV Stardom (eluded) and a Happy Tail (nearly)

Having, I am told,  a pre-disposition to being attracted to bright lights, I sometimes reflect somewhat nostalgically upon my TV career. In fact I remember it well, the last time I was before the TV camera, the bright lights, the live audience and the nervous tension that flows through the veins just prior to a live performance. And as we all know, it is sometimes these types of career changing experiences that lead us from one dark corner into a new, brighter light, a new career. Hence, as I reflect upon a career interspersed with various and somewhat irregular media appearances, I am amazed at how the flow of media exposure had littered my flowing career path. Actually, I remember April 18, 1964 quite well. We had heard (by letter of course) only a few days before, that we were selected to attend a live Channel 9 TV audience, where some lucky people would be chosen, (one would expect, based upon their suitability for the role and their 'Star-status apparent'), and their o

Why to keep Change in your Undies. ( And Airing some Dirty Linen, so to speak)

I was thrilled to hear from my friend Megs on Friday night at Happy ( several ) Hours that my Blog has become a highlight of her week! I always get a thrill to receive such a review.  My excitement was slightly short-lived when regrettably Meg did point out that other 'highlights" in her week include putting out the garbage and watching the ABC Test Pattern at 3am.  None the less, the attention was exhilarating, but then the highlights to my own week had been pretty mundane too, including milking as much attention as I could out of my squash-knee injury ( and going back to the court 3 times to do it again) , watching the Stats on my Blog as they stagnate and tidying out the undies drawer on Sunday afternoon. I do this from time to time, to find loose coinage. The reason I end up with coins in the undies drawer stems from the time many , many years ago when I was a little Ned and my Mother (Bless her) found a pair of my soiled undies hidden under a cupboard. You see,  I had

Squash for the Elderly! Everything you Kneed to Know!!

Last night whilst playing my regular squash match, I had an unfortunate accident. I guess it was a kind of chain collision, between right knee, end of racquet and rear wall of court. In trying to explain how this happened, I was asked to draw a diagram. The following is the result. I also recently heard on a radio talk-back show, amazingly, whilst driving to my regular game, that of the last 27 people to die on a squash court, 26 had recently been given a clean bill of health by their Doctor! I therefore surmise that one should not ask the Doctor's opinion on the suitability of your body to partake of the game. RUNNING AT FRONT WALL TO LURCH FORWARD TO GET A GREAT DROP SHOT : THE FIRST DRAWING THE EXPLANATION! ! Next week, I am thinking of wearing a suit of armour and taking 3 aspirin. And of course, I shall be accompanied by my best arm chair and a glass of red. NED HOSKIN Wed by Ned

Cow of a Government. South Australia and Water Torture.

What I like about Blogging is that I am getting to realise I can actually write what I think! And I am sick of Government Bureaucratic bungling,  particularly when it comes to the Government Think-Tank mentality of "How are we going to slug the Public even more tax to pay for the Governments' wasteful, deceptive and self appreciating Life style?" In South Australia, Premier Rann has touted a proposal to make the already flailing Farmers pay for water that falls on their own land, which water runs into the dams the farmers themselves have paid to build. More confusingly, the water   stored in the dams is exempt but if you pump it somewhere else from the onto the grass that feeds the stock...then the Farmers will have to pay for it! MIKE RANN'S  DAM COW OF AN IDEA: How funny it is, when Premier Rann, wants to charge farmers for all of the water he can, When it falls from the sky and into their dam, here is a tax, Allah Kazam! If the cows do rememb

I Phone Apps and a Practical Use!!

I have been researching I Phone apps lately and am amazed at the number of completely useless Apps, including Apps that inform you about new Apps.  Obviously though people do purchase some of the more bizarre Apps for their pure entertainment value. Personally, I just think  people should get a hobby. However, as you may be aware, I am working on a series of cartoons based on Pub culture in Australia (ref  Knights of the Round Table ) which you will be able to download on an App in the near future. And in all reality, some of those friends from the Round Table at The Grand Hotel in Portarlington (Victoria Australia) do take their Pub culture quite seriously. In particular is the Thursday Happy Hour , which seems to be a weekly magnet for many locals. So much so that some people take Thursday Happy Hour as a ritual. None more than a certain character who is one of the main attendees of the Round Table and features heavily in the cartoon series. And who has his new App set to a cou

The story of Lynda La Plante, Ned Kelly's Head replaced and a Madame.

Add caption As an Author wanna-be, I was pleased when my Madame friend suggested we attend an interview in Geelong being given by Lynda La Plante, the famous author whose career has seen her release countless books and scripts which have been turned into film, including the well known series Prime Suspect. Lynda's casual and comedic style was a joy to behold, including her insights into the fastidious research she undertakes for each of her Crime books.  The description of bloated bodies in a Russian morgue and the farting of pierced corpses was a telling insight into the lengths that she goes to, for the sake of absolute authenticity in her  published works.  And her story about visiting a San Francisco brothel for the sake of research was equally as enlightening and endearing. In a fine piece of marketing Lynda also managed to let out the details of the first 4 chapters of her new book, BLOOD LINE, which meant we all had to rush to the front counter after the Show and pur

Para-normal...or what? Mt Erebus Disaster.

I have mentioned before how I went through a period in my life where I would dream about a specific subject 3 times, to always have the incident come true. The story of the Air New Zealand, Mt Erebus disaster is perhaps the most outstanding, with a rather bizarre twist. The first major "Three dream" series occurred in 1977 when my mother was seriously ill. However, the family had been kept in the dark about the severity of her illness and were told it was temporary, which I guess it was, all things considered. Having woken three nights running in April 1977, with a terrible dream about my mother's imminent death, it was actually quite a surprise when I received a phone call the next day, summoning me to return inter-state as my Mother was on her death bed. Sadly it was true, we were all told the truth about her real health issue and she sadly passed away the next day. Over the next two years I encountered many other "Three dream" events of a more minor nat

Ghosts and the Para-normal. By a one-time sceptic.

I have felt a call lately to write about the After-life, Para-normal and now , about Ghosts. I was once a sceptic of the greatest kind. Most of that changed in around 1976 when I experienced my first of a series of para-normal episodes. I have alluded previously to a few experiences where my dreams, when they come 3 in a row, have come true. Scarily true, to the detail. These have always occurred three nights running, same dream, same detail and same end result, namely me waking in total fear. After having 2 dreams in a row I fear the third. Sometimes the third dream doesn't happen. But sometimes it has, with predictable result. After the third, the events in the dream invariably do happen.  There are several stories which are related in detail in the book I currently have underway. But I have decided to share with you the following extract from one section. This part of the book started with a series of dreams, which culminated in the following true event. The location is an ol


A couple of years ago I was fortunate enough to go to northern India on a business trip. The city I went to was Jalandhar, north of Amritsar, the city of the Golden Temple. I just thought I would share a few of my favourite photos from that trip. In fact I was inspired into this by this motor mower ad from a TIME Magazine in 1964. It just happens that I also found a motor mower shop in Jalandhar, where there is almost no grass anywhere! The mower shop however did have a section of manicured grass out the front as it's display piece, complete ( if you look carefully) with a nice fresh doggy doo in the centre of the grass. These women were given the afternoon off from work at the factory to attend a special women's Festival.  Me on the left....but Man, I would just love to have that guys' outfit!!  My knees trembled watching these builders on the roof across the road from  my Hotel. Believe it or Not....there really is Indian Idol ! Seriously! www.w


Last night I went to Dreamland, Oh what a place to go It turns upon, its very head, Everything you know. The trees in Dreamland are bright blue, a strange colour for a tree But people living in the branches , Is something I thought I'd never see. The trains are in the sky and the ships roll on the roads And cars are shaped like icecream cones, and dogs look just like toads I saw buildings that can walk along and birds that fly upside down And even when it rains you see, it rains upwards from the ground. The ghosts are very friendly , in fact they run away and hide And cows of course are inside out so you cant breed them for their hide The sun shines very darkly and the heat is very cold, And every day you get a little younger, so you never get too old In dreamland everything is just so strange, and beautiful as well Although flowers are quite pretty they just don't have a smell, But when Life gets a little silly and sometimes its just too deep I just toddle of

The After-Life and Joanne Beats a Bully.

We were talking about the here-after on Friday night, when a friend suggested that she was concerned ...maybe afraid, of what lies on The Other Side . It prompted me to remember the things I used to Remember when I was very young. My only Baby photo: Around the time of the first dreams and noticing that  my nose was on upside down.  I remembered coming from a place where everything was swirling about. As a child I would have dreams about that place, constant motion, swirling. In my sleep I would dream the swirling so much that I would wake up so dizzy I would throw up on the bed.*  The good part was that I would get the day off school, the bad part was that everyone thought I was the weird kid. Particularly the school Bully, George B___. I won't use his full name just in case he reads this (if he ever did learn to read) and comes around and bashes me up. Again. The last time he did that, I was walking home from school when he set upon me for no apparent reason. The onl

Knights of The Round Table : New Video Clip!

As explained previously, we are embarking on the release of a bunch of video clips and cartoons revolving around Nights at The Round Table with the Knights Of The Round Table! These are the salty characters of the Local pub in Portarlington, Victoria, Australia. Enjoy!

Irony! One example.

Having just returned from a road trip from Melbourne to Adelaide and return, some 1,500km, I do spend quite some time placating Ms SaidbyNed, who gets quite upset at the sight of the various animals being transported to and from their respective fields and their "end-of-the-line" destination. There was one poor hapless sheep who was uncomfortably standing pretty much atop the others and seemingly yelling out to the truck driver. The irony of the situation soon hit me, as follows! Cheers! Ned Hoskin "Hey Harry, Slow down...before you get us all killed!!"

Bob The Builder, Wanging Ducks on the Head and...."So, You Want to Build a Duckery!"

It was 3am  this morning when Ms Ned and I engaged in a discussion re our days' activities (see Blog titled Playing Hide and Sleep for more details) I advised her that I happen to have run into Bob the Builder and his lovely wife, (whom we will call Mrs Bob for the sake of the exercise),  during the day. Bob the Builder: (Not my neighbour of course) We happen to live across the road from Bob the Builder, not the cartoony type character of course, but the real deal, a Builder called Bob.  Mrs Bob will always go down in history with us for having offered to wang our Ducks on the head when they get sick. Diametrically opposed to Mrs Bob's natural remedy for ducks, Ms Ned has always insisted that a sick duck goes to the vet for any ailment, at great expense, to receive a dose of Valium or Xanax or any other required drug for illnesses both physical and psychological.  Ned : TV Ned, not me . I am sure there must be thousands of Bob the Builders around the glo