Said by Ned

Oh, dont you just hate it when you wait 40 years for a media appearance and the Photograph which they use makes you look at least 50 years older than you really are. None the less, I am VERY appreciative of a new article which appeared in the local Geelong  Advertiser today. Next time, I will insist on a photo taken in the dark. The first photo is as per the article to the right, referring to my Wed by Ned Marriage Celebrant book titled 'How to Have Fun Getting Married'. ( https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/127840) The article and THE photo. The second photo ( below)  is how I see myself in the Newspaper photo. How I see the Photo in the newspaper article and then of course, the third photo, how I see myself usually. ..with airbrishing, make-up, Photoshop etc.......... How I thought I looked in real life!?  Oh well, my self esteem may be dented but I hope people planning a wedding ceremony might enjoy the E-book!  Che...

I am experimenting with some short stories which I will eventually publish I guess! This happens to be one which I wrote in a work-shop recently.  Not so much about marriage, as divorce though!  One Foot First. By Ned Hoskin . Ange felt the chill of the wind that whisked down the street, whip at her face as soon as she shut the door firmly behind her. She strode onto the street purposefully, although the nerves were working silently at her stomach making her feel heady and nauseous. The Courthouse Building on Main Boulevard in Belfast loomed gray and forboding and only made her stomach tighten more at its imposing sight as she neared. Today would be the end of the past 15 years of hell, a hell which she knew she had helped to create. “ Let me buy you a coffee” . The voice came smoothly enough from no-where and yet it made her heart jump and her hands immediately damp. Looking around she saw his gorgeous brown eyes and dark curly hair framed so natur...

I am sick and tired of hearing, on a daily basis, that the Japanese are totally flouting International Laws, by entering Australian waters and murdering whales under the pretence of 'research'. I won't call it 'fishing', because the use of a harpoon is barbaric, as is the practise of whaling itself,  when there are so many species under threat. The Japanese have constantly ignored the International community in favour of their own self-centred, greed. It is about time they have a taste of their own pathetic, out dated, illegal, immoral, irresponsible practises. Send them home. Stand up to them. Ban them. Ban the Japanese Ambassador to Australia, until they  listen to the rest of the world. 'Goodie, my favourite! Sushi !!' THE JAPANESE WHALING SONG ( Sung to the tune of The Whaling Song ) ( Since they cut my advertising on here I decided I should moderate this song. Therefore the word w............ has been deleted because it rhymes with '...

Well, thank heavens Christmas is over...but once again I have been a bit busy to write much. However, I did just come across this little gem, which I wrote many years ago, as the result of a discussion with my 'then' teenage daughter. We were discussing a persistent tummy pain which she had complained about for several days. I think I had the answer.  LET FLUFFY OFF THE CHAIN. WHEN EVER YOUR TUMMY FEELS A PAIN, REMEMBER TO LET FLUFFY OFF THE CHAIN, CAUSE IF THE PAIN DOES NOT DEPART, IT MAY WELL JUST TAKE, A SIMPLE FART. SHARP PAIN OR DULL, FLUFFY’S TELLING YOU, YOUR INSIDES ARE READY FOR THE LOO,. WIND IN THE WILLOWS IS QUITE A BLOW, BUT WIND IN THE PILLOWS IS REALLY LOW, SO IF A BED YOU DO SHARE, LET FLUFFY OUT IN THE COOL NIGHT AIR. AS THE CONSEQUENCE MAY BE QUITE DIRE, IF YOU LET FLUFFY OUT AFTER YOU RETIRE! WHO WANTS A BED WHERE FLUFFY GOES, WAITING TO CLIMB RIGHT UP YOUR NOSE, GET OUT FLUFFY YOU NAUGHTY THING, AND JUMP WHEN I TELL YOU, THROUGH THIS ...

Oh Goody, it's Christmas! A time for goodwill and cheer, When retailers put their prices up and food is far too dear! When families waste their money on presents that we don't need, And children lust for more presents, in unrequited greed. When a price is set to spend, on each other's special gift, Don't spend  less than that, unless you want a family rift, 'That's not fair, his present is far better than mine, oh dear, Gee, I want Aunt Myrtle to be my Kris Kringle next year'. When the traffic is more blocked than a plumber's worst blocked pipe, People yell and scream and road rage hits its heights, People stressing endlessly, oh, the money they must spend, On turkeys, cakes and puddings, which they can't eat anyway in the end. And running from early morning, when forcing yourself  out of bed, Eat breakfast lunch and dinner, with relatives you thought were dead, Nice to see you Deary, it has been a long long time, Eat another piece ...

I do write quite a lot of Poems for couples for their weddings. Often, the subject of the "Giving Away of the Bride" sparks emotion and sentiment in the reluctant Father of the Bride.  No Father really ever wants to Give his Little Girl away...not really. This thinking sparked the following for a Special couple.    THE ‘GIVING AWAY’ At Last you take that walk, down the proverbial aisle, My little girl with your new idol, The Little girl who I watched grow up, Playing netball and eating Chuppa Chups. When you were born, like a pink toy, I held you, And over all the years, and many tears, Through tantrums and the childish fears, I protected you. Now on this, your Wedding day, I am here, they say, To Give away, My Little Girl. Into the protection of your Husband, The Man you promise to Love forever. And a good Man he is, And I know him well, I know that his Love for You is like a well, So deep, so full , so Full of Life, ...