Let Fluffy off the Chain

Well, thank heavens Christmas is over...but once again I have been a bit busy to write much. However, I did just come across this little gem, which I wrote many years ago, as the result of a discussion with my 'then' teenage daughter. We were discussing a persistent tummy pain which she had complained about for several days. I think I had the answer. 

LET FLUFFY OFF THE CHAIN.

WHEN EVER YOUR TUMMY FEELS A PAIN,

REMEMBER TO LET FLUFFY OFF THE CHAIN,

CAUSE IF THE PAIN DOES NOT DEPART,

IT MAY WELL JUST TAKE, A SIMPLE FART.

SHARP PAIN OR DULL, FLUFFY’S TELLING YOU,

YOUR INSIDES ARE READY FOR THE LOO,.

WIND IN THE WILLOWS IS QUITE A BLOW,

BUT WIND IN THE PILLOWS IS REALLY LOW,

SO IF A BED YOU DO SHARE,

LET FLUFFY OUT IN THE COOL NIGHT AIR.

AS THE CONSEQUENCE MAY BE QUITE DIRE,

IF YOU LET FLUFFY OUT AFTER YOU RETIRE!

WHO WANTS A BED WHERE FLUFFY GOES,

WAITING TO CLIMB RIGHT UP YOUR NOSE,

GET OUT FLUFFY YOU NAUGHTY THING,

AND JUMP WHEN I TELL YOU, THROUGH THIS RING!,

FLUFFY IS A SNEAKY SOD,

AFFLICTING EVERYONE BY GOD!

SO IF YOU FEEL THAT URGE INSIDE,

LET FLUFFY OUT THE BOTTOM SIDE,

MAKE SURE YOU LET HIM OFF THE CHAIN,

AND WAIT TILL HE COMES BACK AGAIN,

MAKE SURE THAT HE DOESN’T STAY TOO CLOSE,

CAUSE FLUFFY MAY JUST SMELL TOO GROSS,

SO MY ADVICE FOR ALL TO WHOM I WRITE,

LET FLUFFY OUT EVERY NIGHT,

LET FLUFFY RUN AND GO QUITE FREE,

AROUND THE BLOCK IN SECRECY,

NEVER EVER TRY TO REFRAIN,

BY HOLDING ON TO FLUFFYS CHAIN!!

Ned Hoskin