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Showing posts from July, 2011

Bob The Builder, Wanging Ducks on the Head and...."So, You Want to Build a Duckery!"

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It was 3am  this morning when Ms Ned and I engaged in a discussion re our days' activities (see Blog titled Playing Hide and Sleep for more details) I advised her that I happen to have run into Bob the Builder and his lovely wife, (whom we will call Mrs Bob for the sake of the exercise),  during the day.




We happen to live across the road from Bob the Builder, not the cartoony type character of course, but the real deal, a Builder called Bob.  Mrs Bob will always go down in history with us for having offered to wang our Ducks on the head when they get sick. Diametrically opposed to Mrs Bob's natural remedy for ducks, Ms Ned has always insisted that a sick duck goes to the vet for any ailment, at great expense, to receive a dose of Valium or Xanax or any other required drug for illnesses both physical and psychological. 



I am sure there must be thousands of Bob the Builders around the globe and at 3.a.m.  strange things happen in one's head. Ms. SaidbyNed suddenly began laughi…

Blogs, Blobs and On-Line Lingo.

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I am constantly amused by mis-interpretation of information and conversational content. None more so than regarding everything and anything to do with the Internet. And we all know the frustration of getting a dot in the wrong spot, or leaving out the forward slash, and therefore ending up with a dead-end.

As such, I was thrilled to hear from great friends ( whom I think had better remain anonymous) when they explained that they had been searching but were unable to locate my SaidByNed BLOB.


Obviously, I had no choice but to come up with the following cartoon!



Ned Hoskin www.wedbyned.com.au http://saidbyned.blogspot.com/




More Nights with the Knights of the Round Table : The Movie!!

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I have mentioned before that I am working on a book which is based on the Nights at the Round Table with the Knights of the Round Table.

The Round Table is the hub of the locals at The Grand Hotel in Portarlington, Victoria, Australia.

Over the past few years I have been working on a cartoon series based on the local characters who frequent the pub and The Round Table.

What you are about to see here is a proto-type World Premiere of the animated version of just one of those cartoons.







The Book will be a few months off. In the meantime , keep a lookout as we release some of the cartoons here!   The "Cinematography"  / Editing is the brainchild of Lindsay Ellis who is also one of the main characters in the cartoon series. 
 Lindsay is also the Owner / Operator of Hogan Print in Portarlington, as well as the Publisher of The Port Report, the local Newspaper where this series of cartoons began it's Life. (To see the Port Report online, go to www.portarlingtonoz.com) 

This book is…

Its just so Cold Down Under at the Moment!

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My lovely ( and very clever ) friend Vim gave me the inspiration for this little cartoon! Thanks Vim!

Playing Hide and Sleep

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I went to bed to find some Sleep And looked so hard and very deep I looked in every place I know But Sleep was no-where near in tow I even looked beneath the bed, But just found Waked-ness instead, I looked inside the bottom drawer, And even on the bedroom floor. I looked so hard and all around, But sadly Sleep, was never found.
I even looked out on the sea But the waves washed Sleep away from me I looked right up into the sky But Sleep flew near and passed me by I even looked beneath the earth But Sleep just smiled with sarcastic Mirth I looked upon the countryside But Sleep did run and Sleep did hide, I found no Sleep at all last night, Tonight I’ll search again, with all my Might.
Ned Hoskin
www.WedByNed.com.au http://saidbyned.blogspot.com/

Ducks, Knights and Ashes to Ashes, Ducks to Ducks.

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I must tell you about our duck family. Well, they were a family until they began falling off the perch, so to speak.

A few years ago our friend Justin Z asked if we would like to adopt Mum and Dad Duck, as he was selling his house. Over a few bottles of Xmas Lunch champagne, we agreed to take them. On returning to his home after Xmas lunch it seems Mum and Dad duck had had one or two Xmas champagnes as well and suddenly Mum laid 7 eggs. We still agreed to take them, even if there were babies on the way. Which there were. 7 of them.

 Dad and the kids moved in to their new hastily erected bungalow by the dam and had a great life, except the boys used to argue so much that we had to cut numbers and so we had a few adopted out. Mum and Dad and the kids had a happy life, indulging in their rather salacious intra-family relationships which can be enough to cause a queasy stomach to turn.

Ducks being ducks, they do have a tendency to fall foul of various stomach problems, which is no wonder c…

Space Stations, Boats and The End of the Sunday drive.

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On to the Moon.
At long last, Someone, or should I say, Something...being a large Corporation, has taken on board the ability and necessity of Man to not only travel to the moon, but indeed to live there.

In the August 4 edition of TIME Magazine, General Electric announce that their Missile and Space Vehicle Department ( hey, you didn't know they had such a Department, did you!?) have released a massive report on how, and how soon, a Colony can be established on the moon, as well as an   estimate of the cost. 
"G.E believes that no major breakthroughs are required, only modest improvements in the space art."
Reading further in, maybe one drawback could be that the project will require the equivalent of 200 Saturn rocket ships.
" Two hundred Saturns will be needed. together with massive upper stages and a host of other fancy equipment , to soft land 10 colonists and 500,000 lbs of equipment on the moon."
"Like Noahs Ark: One Saturn cluster with its upper stages an…

Cows and First Date Etiquette, The Hillman Imp and Insurance Claims.

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What I was doing carrying a long heavy bench seat through a country paddock, I really don't know. It was the type of heavy old wooden bench seat that you may have found in a lunch shed in Junior School in the 60's. It weighed more than I could carry easily, but when a bull began charging at a group of us walking through the countryside, I found the super strength to pick it up and throw it straight at the said attacker, although missing it. Fortuitously, the bench kept springing back into my hands, three or four times until finally, the final throw of the seat stopped the bull in time to allow an elderly couple to scramble to safety, over an old gate.

In the meantime, an old teenage-years friend of mine who sadly passed away prematurely a couple of years ago, drove by in his old but still pristine Hillman Imp. Brenton was at least 6ft 2" tall and made an unusual sight in the Imp. The group of us who had just fended off the bull somehow managed without effort to climb into…

World Going Up in Smoke: Reformed Smokers View.

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I have a collection of old TIME Magazines from the late 1930's to late 1960's. They contain a fascinating insight into the World during those years.  The glamorisation of smoking is horrendous and rife but I found this Ad from the back of a 1964 edition, that struck a chord.

We have not only done this to people but to the World at large.



When all the World was want to smoke
And so sexy was the Marlboro bloke,
Advertising overlooked the lethal side,
Suck this in, and blow with pride,
The smart pack and it's fresh contents,
A smell which the sly smoker laments,
Oh, just one more, I may as well,
Tomorrow may bring me a view in Hell.
I will give up ,  once I am feeling strong,
Next week perhaps, If I last that long.

Once upon a time, when the World did smoke,
I came across this sickly joke,
They called it Advertising spin,
But now the rhetoric has worn us thin,
Freedom of choice, the Ad men cry,
A packet a day won't make you Die,
Even two, if you can find your breath,
May …

Internet Dating: Part 2

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I have touched on Internet Dating before. I have also had the following cartoon in mind for some time.

I have performed loads of Fun weddings. They are all different and individual. And the fact is, that more and more people are meeting over the Net. And despite some couples feeling a little reticent about discussing the way they met, I think Internet Dating has got to be the way of the future. It has also got to be cheaper! No late night buying of "one more drink" and the resultant unplanned embarrassment that it may lead to! No more buying dinner for total unlikelies.  Now we can meet, greet and get to know each other before ever meeting face to face. And I can vouch for the fact that a significant number of my happiest , long term couples, for whom I have acted as Celebrant,  met over the Net.


One very Internet savvy couple not only met on the Net, but the Groom proposed to his bride to be via txt message.........whilst sitting at opposite ends of the sofa together, swappin…

Marrying for the Right Motif.

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No Re-creating Allowed!

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I went to meet one of my couples earlier today, for a pre-wedding meeting. They are marrying at the beautiful Werribee Mansion and Gardens at Werribee in Victoria,  Australia.

I had to share this sign with you, which I found greeting visitors at the entry to the  Park. I am not sure what recreating really means although it reeks of another type of creating to me and I therefore wonder if that is exactly what the message is meant to be about.  After all, re-creating under trees may be pleasant enough past-time, but one hopes it won't be dangerous, nor cause injury! Although the risk of falling limbs (from trees or people?) is also a little daunting.

It prompted this little piece!

Losing Limbs whilst Re-creating.

I never thought it to be dangerous dating,
In fact I give it a quite high rating,
But when it gets to being a past-time injurious,
Then one would feel a little spurious,
When limbs do fall and injuries occur,
One would feel concerned for sure,
So if under the trees you find y…

1930's Women vs Men At Work

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Following somewhat along the lines of yesterday's theme of the changing roles of women over the years, I couldn't help myself. I had to go through another old book we have had for many years. The Story of The World in Pictures, printed by Odhams Press Ltd in 1936.

It is in fact a fascinating read and is probably the kind of book we should be encouraging our newer generations to read.

In this book, the World at large is wrapped up in 605 pages. Of course though, I was struck somewhat by the chapter on The Machinery of Business.

In the description of office life in the 30's  ".......The clash and ping of fifty typewriters assail our ears. Hand-writing in the business world is rapidly becoming obsolete. The office boy or girl who can write a good hand is a rarity. The short-hand typist, notebook in hand, and capable of  "taking down" 180 words per minute may yet be superseded by the dictaphone, into which, the departmental chief dictates his letters and instruc…

Housewives and Housework...1950's style!

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As a matter of research into my book about  fun Wedding Ceremonies ( which is titled How to Have Fun Getting Married, due to be released in 2 weeks) I have undertaken some extensive research into the Marriage game.

Along the journey,  it reminded me of a book I purchased for Ms. SaidByNed when we first moved in together some 15 years ago. The book titled The Beginner Housewife by Phyllis Harker was first published in 1956.

I just must share some of Phyllis' advice.

Phyliss plans out a full day in 15 minute increments, beginning at 6.50am, going to bathroom, brushing hair, apply make-up. Between 7.30 am and 8 a.m Phyliss suggests any bride make up a list of the days work which should include at least the following:

Wash up
Make Beds
Washing ( own undies , blouse etc!)
Ironing
Clean bath & basin
Mop bathroom floor
Stairs
Bedroom
Hall
Mop and dust downstairs ( ! )
Vegetables
Steak
Trifle
Kitchen

8.10am Wash Up.
8.20am Put washing to soak in plain , tepid water.
8.25amMake beds
8.3…

Life Drawing Group, Bottles and Bridges.

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It was spot on 8pm  last night, at Life Drawing at As Iz Art Gallery, when my son phoned me. I told him where I was and he reminded me that I am never home. That's observant since he lives in another State.
He also listed to me where I had been for about the past 10 nights which was handy because I couldn't remember where I had been myself!

Slumping into bed at 11.15pm my lovely Ms. SaidByNed  said it was nice to see me and I went through a similar discussion with her until being overcome with a deep sleep.

For the second time in a week the Westgate Bridge came tumbling down in my dreams. My good friend David and I were in a car sitting at the beginning of the bridge complaining that they had shut the thing, as the sides fell off and other cars went tumbling into the water below. We still wanted to drive over the bridge. I woke up, worried. I had to assure myself that this was only the second time I had dreamt this dream. If it were the third time, I would be really worried, b…

And of course, Internet Dating to Wedding.

They trawl through the liars, Always alert,
You sound good for Me, And commence with a flirt,
Sure I am single and looking to Wed,
Cant meet this week tho, so next week instead?

Yes, the photo is natural, no air-brushing applied
Well so she had said altho she had lied
I'm in my mid thirties, ( Well it was true back in time)
Actually late 40's, but I am feeling quite fine!

Oh sure I am single, well, its a bit complicated
We still live together but I've been vindicated,
We dont sleep together, well not much anyway,
Mainly at nights, but never by day!!

Yes I love you my dear and always I will,
I cant wait to marry you, and am loving the thrill.
I'm sure you're the most beautiful person I know
I'll confirm that when,  I finally see your photo!!

Ned
www.WedbyNed.com.au

Speed Dating to Wedding Walk

The Bride and the Groom, entered the Room,
They both were running quite Fast,
Said the Groom , We met at Speed Dating
And we scored a high Rating
So we know that our marriage will Last!

They ran up the aisle, And said with a Smile
We take each other the be Husband and Wife,
But don't make it too Formal,
We're really quite Normal,
We just want to get on with our LIfe!


Ned